TogetherWeAsOne

2010-08-05T06:09:00.004+08:00

salam.
its been quite awhile since i updated this dusty old blog.
alott has happen since then.

i found someone new...
i really thought i did.
for once i thought something good is gonna happen in my life again.
however, there's always a But.
a But with a capital B.

things always dont end in e way i expect it to be.
it jush doesnt.
im still back to square one.
getting hurt in e process.
loving someone, being nice to him...
and still get hurt while seeing hym be happy with e other party.

why ohh why...
why is my fate always this wayy....
im always nice to everyone, but....
people keep stepping all over me.
time and time again.
and i will still be nice to people.
its jush in my nature to do that.
i dunn even have any answer to why im too nice sometimes.

even he said im e nicest person he ever met.
but, will he do anything about it.
will he change his mind about me?
will he?
no.
see, nice people dont get what they want.
they jush dont.

e only people who stood by me all this while has been my lovely bestfriends.
all of them.
they were e ones who catch me when i fall.
caz they know better im not strong enough.
im getting by each and everyday because of them.
i should stop making them worry about me.
i should worry about my health condition.
seriously. i cant have another episode of seizure attack.
i love my friends alott. i really do.
i dunno what i'll do without them by my side.
they listen when im angry, sad, happy and depressed.
they know what to say to me when im in different kindaf moods.
only they understand me.

these guys can jush go to hell.
seriously.
ive had enough of their bullshytting ways and their fucking crap.
they say one thing but they do another thing.
what kindaf fuck are they.
i dunno.

ttyl~

2010-06-13T08:24:00.003+08:00

salam.
ouhh well.
another weekend burned jush liddat,
why did i spend e whole day sleeping?
ishhhk~
if not, i would get to go out and eat Free Seoul Garden
haiyakdush myself!
ouh well.

ahh, things are much clearer now.
i know for a fact that you need to think.
and, sometimes get angry easily.
aigoo.. i know it can be my fault at times.
but,its not as if im doing it on purpose.
obviously its due to work, sleep etc. etc.

and, cant wait to meet a friend of mine.
it'll be easier to meet and catch up with love ones now that i'll be working morning.
whee~
but, jush one thing...
i dont even know if i can wake up early laa.
hoho.

well, let time fly by and see what'sin store for me.
im soo jealous bestie is gg for another holiday trip without me!
to jakarta summore!
hmph.

nvm..
my days will come soon.

ttyl~

2010-06-06T11:36:00.004+08:00

salam.
now, ive been werking for 4weeks already.
coming to 5wks tmr :D

ive made a really good friend there.
Sha is what i call her.
very friendly.
nice to talk to.

i do look forward coming to work everyday.
it keeps me busy atleast.
i dunnhav to think of unnecessary stuffs.

there is this someone who keeps me company everyday without fail.
i appreciate it alott.
thank you soo mucc.

recently, someone asked me whether i regretted e fight that happened more than a year ago.
i dont regret, but im sad that we separated.
after all those years that you've been there for me.
the ups and downs i went through.
i know it would be hard to mend e wound.
but, its not impossible.
in these kindaf situations, i can be really soft.

but, i know that both of them wont reconcile.
its up to me, i suppose.
ahh, what should i do?
im not sure myself whether we should be reunited.
after all these while.
the scars are that deep.

should we just move on as it is?
hmmm.

nevermind, let's see what happens when we meet up.
then, i'll judge from there.

ttyl~

2010-05-20T16:46:00.004+08:00

salam.
aigooo.... i was actuerli forced to join e sin res idol.
gooooodness. why oh why.
it was involuntary at all.
audition is next tuesday even.

but, i love my workplace.
for now, that is. during e training period.
since e real work hasn't commence yet.

ahhh. my first trip will be to korea!!!
with sha.
hoothoot.
its either we'll travel in oct/nov/feb... heh heh heh.
cant wait laa sia.
checked e availability for nov, still alott.
so, we will check it out one month prior to date.

hmm, well things are going mucc smoother right now.
hehe. im liking e way things flow.
how peepol around me are.
ive got to catch up with my babes soon.
missing hasanah,wawa,siti damn mucc.
and others too~

although its hard to forget e past,
e things that happen in e future makes it easier to keep on goiing.
let this happiness last~

ttyl~

2010-05-16T05:32:00.003+08:00

salam.
ahh...life gets complicated as e day goes by.
goodness.

what am i trying to do to myself?
i have no idea.

a decision has to be made soon.
real soon.
should i confide with my friends?
but, on a personal note, i have a rough idea on what they would say.

aigoo.
i really should do something about it.

2010-05-13T16:05:00.002+08:00

salam.
o to ka jo. o to ka jo.
(what should i do?)

well, i need to memorize alott of e airport codes.
ahhh! its giving me a headache.
seriouslyy. i dont even know most of e cities in there. weird names!

well, on my first day of werk,
i already made friends.
haha.
it was jush a matter of being e ferz to talk.
so, yeah.
i got along well with peepol around me.
they are all very friendly. its a really great environment to be in.

i dont really eat mucc.
jush brought bread only.
then. upon reaching home, i would sleep till about 2+. eat snacks.
and sleep agaiin. till around 5+.
then, e memorizing begins.
and, eat lunch cum dinner.

making myself awake throughout e night was a real challenge for me at ferz.
but, right now, im coping with it.
hohoho.

ive another thing that i wish to address here.
i wunn go into details.
i'll jush be general.

well, recently, something sortta happen.
e thing that ive been trying to put at e back of my mind, came back.
in front of my eyes and happening right now.
and, a huge wave of feelings started coming back. gushing in.
ahhh...im undecided.

dreaming would be great. but, its reality.
why do i even hope for smtng that has a 50/50 chance.
ahh, why am i e kind that's easily swayed by smtng.
why am i jush not strong enough.
why do i lack confidence in doing things.

ahh.
to think of this...makes my heart flutter but at e same time, hurts me too.
let everything fall into place and see what's in store.

ttyl~

2010-05-12T20:51:00.001+08:00

salam.
soo, ive started werking ryte now.
night shift.
from 10pm to 7am.
with delta airlines.
a tired day everyday.

but, i meet new peepol.
they labelled me e baby among them caz im e youngest.
lol.

ahh, i'll try updating another time.
im getting ready to go to werk now.
ttyl~

2010-05-10T01:08:00.004+08:00

salam.
well, ive decided.
im going to make changes in my life.
im gonna do it.
and, i do hope my frens will accept me for who i am.
i really do.

especially wawa and siti.
i know hasanah will.
i have yet to tell them what im planning to do.
gosh.
its making me really nervous.
but, i know ive made up my mind.
and, i wanna start it soon.
insyaAllah.

its jush that...
e fact that...
the world is getting really old.
and, im really afraid i will run out of time.
Ya Allah, give me strength to succeed this time round.
ive been wanting to do it since like forever.
but, i jush cant find enough courage to do so.

would i be laughed at?
would i have lesser friends?
would people distance themselves away from me?

gosh.
Ya Allah, please give me e confidence to go through this tough phase.
i wanna do it soo badly.
i really do.
ive jush done enough against Allah's Commands.

i wanna re-hafal my quran too.
ahh, i really hope it will last.
i dunwann this to stop halfway again.
Astarghfirullahalazim.

may this be a reminder to me always.
i dunwanna end up in Neraka Wail.
i really dont.
*sobs*

ttyl~

2010-04-29T13:01:00.001+08:00

salam.
its time.
time to just shutdown.
keep smiling all.
keep being happy.
caz that's what keeps everything moving.

ttyl~

2010-04-20T00:57:00.003+08:00

salam.
i feel soo tired.
exhausted mucc.
ive not had enough rest for days already and its really starting to wear me out.

i have been meeting Hasanah dearest alott lately.
and, not forgetting, Fatin Najwa.
ishhhk~!
gue rindu banget sama Aleesha sikk.
kangen banget utk jumpa dia hari khamis inihh.
nggak boleh sabar.
hehe!

so yeah..
i went to meet Hasanah and her group of friends.
lol.
shamir,vikram and ashraf...
haha..our second starbucks moment.
shamir is short.
he's around my height. lol.
and, i wore high heels just now.
enduring e excruciating pain on my feet. heh heh heh.
i need to get use to wearing them...

hmm.....
i have issues.
but, its too personal to say it here.
so, only my babies know them (:
ahhh...
how im loving my life right now.
never been better.

there would be obstacles in e future...
but,
i'll embrace them by putting a brave front.
with lovely babies supporting my back.
hehehehehe.

btw,i dunn like sweet talking mother fuckers.
i dont geddit how they can say something when they dont actually mean it.
so, usually when someone tells me something ridiculous..
i'll just be frank and tell them off.
haha!
its up to them to accept it with an open heart.
if they really do mean what they say...
then wait or just fuck off~!
lol mucc!

ttyl~

2010-04-19T01:21:00.003+08:00

salam
. whoa.
ive been gone for quite awhile.
duhh. ive not been home for One whole freakazoid week.
lol mucc~

stayover at cici's house.
jush wanna feel pampered and get my mind of things.
and dumbdumb me forgett to bring my charger.
so, i had to switch off my hp alott to conserve e battery. lol.
and, when i finally went home for awhile to grab some stuff..
i made sure i brought my charger along. hehe.

alott of people have been missing me.
awwwwwe. im soo touched laa.
i only get to meet Hasanah dearest last Friday at Dhoby Ghaut.
hmm. but still rindu laa.

just now, one of my cousin got engaged.
time flies by pretty fast and everyone is growing up
. really fast
. no kidding about that.

i have alott of people who are constantly concern about me..
always pray for my well-being and all
. i feel so touched.
really.
alhamdulillah.
i have wonderful friends and family. that's all i need in life.
whee~

ttyl~

2010-04-11T18:41:00.006+08:00

salam.
soo, ive been missing from cyber werld for awhile.
hehehe.
due to laziness.

for now, im hoping. hoping. hoping.
for a miracle
. whee~

i have been smiling alott.
thanks to my many wonderful friends.
whee~

and,thanks for replying me.
i really appreciate it loads. it makes my day.
thank you once again.
whee~

and, thanks for all the care and concern given.
from friends and unexpected ones too.
im mucc mucc better now.
seeing rainbows again.
whee~

and, introducing my babies:
Fatin Najwa. Siti Zakiah. Hasanah. Eddy.

hmm.
i chanced upon someone in FB.
looking through that someone's pictures...
awwee..how i miss those moments.
i dunn regret what i did.
but.. i just miss them.

ttyl.

2010-04-09T03:25:00.002+08:00

salam.
i dunn geddit..
why its soo easy for them to come and go as and when they please.
its ridiculously unfair.

they appear to be really friendly, nice vibes..
but instead, they are e horrible ones.

my lovely babes.
they stand by me through thick and thin.
eventhough i make silly mistakes. silly decisions.
they truly know who i am.
they tell me off if im wrong.
they support me if im right.
they hear my woes. get me back on my two feet. bitch slap me if i turn dumb.

i get hurt easily if they turn their back on me... or sulk.
or accuse me anyhow..
i would cry. really.
but, e moment they say ::
"iloveyou laa shefa. sorry kayys"
that's when i know, they are still mine to keep.

its hard to find true friends..
but, once you know they exist in your life,
hold on to them tightly..
they are all you need when you feel down or happy.
only they understand you when e rest of e world is against you.

i love them.
indefinitely.

ttyl~

2010-04-07T20:34:00.002+08:00

salam.
well, its done.
did you forget that i was even alive?
did you forget about me?
did you regret ever standing by my side?
now im left to forget about uss.
but somewhere we went wrong.
we were once soo strong.

now i guess, this is where we have to stand.
did you regret ever holding my hand?
did you forget?
i wont forget about uss.

a memory.
thats all that i have of you right now.
a part of me tells me to hate you but a part of me tells me to hold on.
besties say: fuck him and leave.

i know i made a mistake. i know you wann space.
i'll be glad to give it to you.
but, now...its too late for you.
i have to plop myself back to reality and smell e filth that im in.
dont come crawling back to me.
its over.

it was great while it lasted.
e memory i had with you was a great one.
but, ive got a life.
and, you dont.
soo..darn it.

and baby,
you were wrong.
i was right.
all along...
i knew..
it was too good to be true.

ttyl~

2010-04-05T00:01:00.003+08:00

salam.
soo, i had an Awesome time with Hasanah justt now...
upon reaching home from Pergas, i quickly get dressed and head to Dhoby Ghaut.
Dear Hasanah waited for me patiently...
awwe, soo sweet of her right.
hehe(:

then, we looked at e city map and proceed to e National Museum.
funny thing is, i didnt know Singaporeans like to go museums.
lol.
there was soooooooooooo many people.
freaking crowded.
heh heh heh.
it was a nice change for me.

then, after National Museum, we walked to e Peranakan Museum.
there were parts of e museum, me and Hasanah felt as if it didnt make sense.
lol.
and, veryy merepek.
haha.

shortly after that, we walked all e way to Plaza Singapura to fill our empty stomachs.
hehhee.
showed Hasanah e place where me, Siti and Hanis used to dine when we were having classes at Dhoby.
and, she was delighted.

then, we just chatted and chilled around.
talking alott.
hehehe.
it was really nice.
we had soo many things to talk about.
well, she is my date everynight.
without fail.

on e way home, i received an unexpected text.
i almost jumped for joy in e train.
lol.
i shared e news with wawa and siti.
they were not really pleased.
i know that they care for me alott.
yes, i know what to do now kayy sweets???

but, i just cant contain e happiness im feeling despite what ive gone through and what you did to me.
but, i know now that i have to be careful in e future.

ttyl~

2010-04-04T01:19:00.002+08:00

salam.
ive been waiting. and waiting.
patiently.
still waiting.
till?
i dunnoe when.

besties and friends ask me to think positive.
they've been there all along.
throughout.

but, e one who is enduring...
me.
am i thinking positive?
hmm.

i'll still wait though.
endlessly waiting.
enduring every second.

ttyl~

2010-04-03T03:21:00.005+08:00

salam.
well, ive decided.
if its not meant to be, then, its not.
if it is, then, we'll proceed.

for now, ive mix feelings.
really mixed.
as if it just went in e blender.
lol.

a friend told me, just wait and sort things out.
ive to tell him how i really feel and from there, see what happens next.
thats e hard part.
telling how i feel.
gosh. i dunnoe how. seriously.

sometimes i wonder,
does he even know what he means to me...
i know he cares..i know how he feels caz he's always straight forward about it to me
AND,
tells me each time we meet.
but, why do i feel its not enough.
why do i feel that i wann more...more than what he offers.
for what benefit will i gain ?
to satisfy myself? to clear my doubts?
and then, what?
like seriously.....

he gives me ultimate freedom as long as i dunn breach his trust.
and, i do e same to him.

i think its because things are going tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Fast.
and, im not catching up with his pace.
im still crawling while he is already jogging.
his confidence really scares me.
i dunnwann any high hopes...
it'd kill me deep inside if smtng happens in e future.

you're still My Stranger.
my Sweet, sweet Stranger.
and, you make me feel safe and secure despite all my doubts about you.

ttyl~

2010-04-02T22:13:00.005+08:00

salam.
so, i went outt with my siblings, Sufi and Sakinah just now.
not forgetting, Hafiz too. my cuzzy.
we went to Bugis.
lol.
my adek is succ a noob. haha~!

we went to eat first at Tong Seng.
e Three of them ordered:::
CHICKEN RICE.
i was like..wtf.
out of all e dishes, why must you guys choose e same dish.
lol~!
as usual, i ordered Chicken Minced noodle. smtng liddat.haha.

den, off we go to Bugis street.
walked alott.
i was e one directing them...
Sufi said:
"Kakak choose, and, i'll say yes or no."
haha. so i went to all e guys shop...
searched and searched.
found afew tops for Sufi and a pair of Peter Pan Shoes.
den, i asked him to buy a bag for me.
and, i got Two. happy mucc.
Sakinah got for herself, a pair of sneakers...wicc i can wear too.
its great when i have a sister same size as me..
whee~
and, Hafiz, a pair of shoes. really nice.

so, after that, we bought big gulp at 7-eleven.
sat for awhile.
and, my cuzzin needs to go off caz he got ngaji.
so, off we go.

had a very satisfied day with them.
am soo tired.
everyday going out. exhausted mucc.
hmm.

and, baby...
imissyou(:

ttyl~

2010-04-02T00:58:00.002+08:00

salam.
well, i spend e whole day with just Andrew.
he fetched me from home.
headed to his crib, meet his mum and dad.
wait for him to bathe and sleep.
lol.
then, around 6+, we headed to ehub to catch our 1915 movie.
How To Train Your Dragon.
Fucking awesome.

he was soo sweet.
he gave me his jacket caz i was cold.
i asked him a question:
"Are you okehh being with me?As in..you're not embarrassed?"
he said: "NO. why should i? then you? what would people say when they see you with a Chinese guy?"
i just Smiled.
it was comforting.
he said we're a unique couple.
haha.

He promised me a few things that i will Never Ever forget.
and,i hope he is true to his words.
and, i went home just now...in a BMW.
fuck.
it felt soo nice....his friend send me home caz they will be heading somewhere else after.

being with him...
really tests my patience alott.
No kidding when i say that.
really alott.

and, i found my long lost bestie:
Dinah Farhanah!
we were in e same class frm Pri One to Three.
den, she transferred to anoder skool.
and, after ten fucking years....i FOUND her.
haha.
will be meeting my LESBO bestie next saturday.
she lives at Bedok South.
so near, yet it feels far.
im e opposite of her in All ways.
i miss her.
my First ever bestie.
lol~

ttyl~

2010-04-01T00:20:00.005+08:00

salam.
i think im going crazy.
like officially crazy. im getting that label.
goodness.

i dunnoe what to say or tell her.
i dunnoe how to help him.
i dunn even know what to do.
what kindaf friend am i?
i feel so helpless.
im considered e middle person between both of you.
i will try to help in any way i can...
but its up to both of you to sit and think.

i feel so pampered by my friends.
hehe.
im being fetched, sent home, blanje..
hehe.
they care for me. and, they are trying to help me back on my two feet.
making me busy always.
i adore them truckloads.

ilovethem loads.
bestie said: sorry. muacks. syg kau.
hehe. thanks.
i feel mucc betta now.

im meeting him in a few hours time. soo fucking excited.
lol.
some of e werds he says really touched my heart.
and, so far, evrtng he does is to see me smile.
hasanah asked me to post this:
aku kene tido.
t takley bangon.
kena pancong dgn Andrew.

ttyl~

2010-03-31T11:54:00.002+08:00

salam.
well, yesterday i had a great dinner with siti, aziz and him.
we went to simpang bedok and then he went home..
while e rest of us wen tampines looking at baby's stuff.
haha.
im use to calling their baby: baby.
huhu. cant wait for hym to be born.
he is my boyfriend.
one and only.
haha.
siti said im her baby's stalker.
lol.

well, dear, i know its hard for you in this situation.
and, i dont blame both sides of e party nor do i side any.
both of you should give and take.
my dear, clear your mind and keep to your decision.
if you really love him, insyaAllah, evrytng will go smoothly.

and, also,
everyone can be a hypocrite...even your love ones.
thats what i learn from someone ytd.
but, despite that,
they are still your family, deep down, they love you.
be strong for baby my dear.
i'll be there for you throughout e whole ordeal.
dont worry.

i'll see you next Monday.
ttyl ~

2010-03-30T15:28:00.004+08:00

salam.
hmmm..
some people just do not know how to mind their own business.
whats done is done.
dont dwell on it further.
move on people.

and quit saying this and that.
its not happening.
lol~!

and, bloody hell...i cant wait to meet you later!
haha.
two more hours to go.

and darling wawa just told me something just now.
its sunggoh tk perlu sia for hym to say even anything.
haha.
kann wawa? kann ? kann ? kann?
lol!
im having e tyme of my life seyy skrng.
i'll be meeting wawa tmr and yassir.
den, i cann pass aleesha her gift.
cant wait.

i showed ummi his pic and my ex-fren's pic.
my mum was like grinning and laughing.
hmph~!
she said: cina bukit.
waddaheck~
haha. denn i showed her another person's pic...
denn she said that e other guy is atleast better.
haha.

ttyl.

2010-03-30T00:12:00.005+08:00

salam.
okehh, ive just received news that cici is in hospital.
her knee is causing problems.
haish.
im worried sick.
i shouldnt have come home that early.
papa is sick too. and now cici,
abg shah's working,and his own knee has problems.
):
sunggoh sedih tauus.

i called cici up.
she said, e doctor told her to use crutches till her next appointment.
which is in 2weeks.
how ridiculous is that.
hmph~!

i'll be visiting cici and papa this wednesday or thursday.
i cant come by tomorrow caz i'll be meeting my besties.
i feel so helpless.
i dont like seeing my love ones sick or wounded.
it aches my heart.

gosh, i do feel really sad.
that's all.

so, he is back from KL.
wawa will be back in 7hours time.
why dont i feel happy at all? i should be.
he called me just now on hys way back home.
we talked as per normal.
blablabla.

i just feel that this is all wrong.
it feels wrong.
im so not in his league.
but his confidence overruled my doubts.
urgh! gosh.
i dont like it one bit.
but, whenever this kinda topic arise, he'll keep on saying e same thing.
with pure confidence.
oh God.
i dont know what to do or feel for that matter.
i cant even let this kinda thing slide caz i know i'd keep on dwelling about it.

ive soo many problems right now.
its making my brain scream.
i need to help her, her, her, him and myself~!!!!

HELP ME!
ttyl~

2010-03-29T16:22:00.003+08:00

salam.
ive been avoiding one particular issue.
and, i dont really wanna talk about it.
but, i need to unload it off my chest.
gosh.
im being very contradicting.

yes.
i know everyone knows.
im by myself again.
me, myself and i.
i know im e egoistic kindaf person, paranoid, over-bearing..
blablabla.
but, all i know is, i never cheated on you.
never.
what happened between us was pure solid.
no nooks and crannies.
when we had our official breakup,
i ventured out from my bubble.
so, yeah.

i never did wann us to end up like this.
ending even our friendship.
it feels weird not knowing what you're doing everyday.
talking to you, texting you.
it has been kindaf my daily routine for e past 2years.

furthermore, you already know my cousins, my family.
my mum trusted you.
she wunn even mind me gg out with you caz she knows that i'll be home safe and sound.
that's how far we've gotten in our relationship.

i'll be lying to myself if i say that i dont think about you at all.
caz, i do.
e only way for me to not think of you,
is by making myself super duper busy.

ive been having really late nights and really early mornings.
thanks to Siti, Hasanah, Faiz, Iqbal for layan-ing my crap-ness.

i cant wait for tmr to happen.
my darling will be in Singapore tmr.
back from KL.
i know Yassir misses you too. hehe!
i bought for baby Aleesha smtng.
i'll be meeting all my love ones tmr.
especially, Siti Zakiah and Fatin Najwa.
thank you sweethearts for being there for me.

ttyl~

2010-03-29T01:42:00.003+08:00

salam.
goodness.
i had a long chat with darling Nadya just now.
it wasnt very pleasant.
i finally realized that you've been hiding behind your fake self.
you seem so believable. yet, so many secrets.
your petty lil games wunn hurt me one bit,
but, think of others.
do you even have any heart left to realize what you're doing is wrong?

i dont geddit. what are you trying to achieve from this game of yours?
Darling Nadya has a really kind heart for still loving you.. but you?
here and there, all around.

i'll be revealing your true identity really soon.
you better be well-prepared baby. you need it.
really.
and, im gonna enjoy every bit of thrashing you upside down, inside out.

for sure, i cant wait for you to be back in Singapore! lol.
im freaking random in my posts today.
22more hours to go!
hehehe. so excited laa.
and, i'll be meeting you on Tuesday,
thats a Must.

for sure. because, imissyou.
whee! a new life is unveiling right before my eyes.
im gonna hold on to it real tight.
making sure, this is it.
ttyl~

2010-03-28T22:45:00.005+08:00

salam.
gosh. im missing someone alott.
thatt someone will be coming home from KL tmr.
cant wait.
sheesh,

alott of things has been happening this past few days.
like really.
e other day, cici mentioned smtng that really touched my heart.
she said, im e only soul survivor from cici's side to be close to her.
and, im planning on staying that way.
till forever.
i went through soo mucc with both families.

in my own family,
there will always be noisy surroundings, fighting, that kindaf stuff.
in cici's family,
there's peace, tranquility, must be proper and well-dressed.
blablabla.

two different standards.
two different world.
i can gossip with cici and tell her alott of stuff.
with ummi,
i can tell her about my guy friends.
hmm(:
im soo happy.

ilove both my besties too~
Siti Zakiah and Fatin Najwa.
baby Aleesha Danielle too.
ttyl~

2010-03-27T23:36:00.004+08:00

salam.
soo, im home NOT sweet home.
i dunn like living in bedok.
its small.
and very unpleasant.
urgh.
suffocating mucc.

so, papa undergo his surgery on thursday.
four hours long.
me and cici has been going back and forth SGH for a few days.
tiring shytt.
at night, abg shah fetched us.

yesterday night,i had a very uncomfortable conversation with him:
abg shah: kakak ada mataer?
me: tak ada.
abg shah: cakap betul2. ada ke tk? (fucking serious tone)
me: betul tkde.cume dating this chinese guy.
abg shah: namer? macam mana boleh kenal dier? keje tk?
me: Andrew.dlm bus. tgh ns.
abg shah: (being very stern) dier amek kakak naek kereta sape? die punye?
me: no, his dad punye.
(thruout e conversation, i didnt even look at him)

goodness, i survived.
i know he has more questions to ask...
lucky that was all.

abg farhan asked me 2 wait till im 21 to really tell him about myself.
must i wait 2years?
e bond is there, but im freaking scared of him.
):

ttyl~

2010-03-24T00:26:00.005+08:00

im curious.
can a kiss really determine if he/she is the right one for you?

there is this guy that i just got to know.
he is 23.
and, he is Chinese. *roll eyes*

i knew him yesterday while making my way to Paris by bus.
so, bus 17 was really crowded and i had to stand throughout e journey.
suddenly, halfway through e ride, this Chinese guy standing beside me said:
"hey, whats your name? im Andrew."
im like? erm, you're talking to me?
haha.
so, i didnt wanna be impolite so i said hello back and introduced myself.
the first thing that i saw and caught my eye was his Louis Vuitton bag.
super duper nice.
when his stop was approaching, he asked for my number.
wtf! i was really, truly shocked.

what is a Chinese guy like him with an Arab girl like me?
weirdd mucc!

so, he asked me on a last minute date just now.
i was really lazy.
but, he forced me to go out with him.
his reason:::
"You would feel more alive and happy once you meet me."
he is sooo Full of himself.
haha

We went to Kepple Bay just now.
lying down on e mat and watching e moon and stars....
talking.
i felt as though i jumped merrily on clouds and heading for e stars.
as if all my problems were gone.
it felt really great.
a relief from reality.

i dunwanna fall for him.
i really dont.
i have to keep a mental note to myself always.
never fall for him.
even a bit.
or its gonna be a really difficult, tedious future for me.

lets pray hard.
ttyl~

thinking.

2010-03-09T00:11:00.008+08:00

salam.
ive jush completed my marketing exam jush now.
it wass okehh.
i managed to get all e questions done.
alhamdulillah (:

hmm..
i'll be meeting Saifullah tmr.
gosh.
ive noo idea what to expect frm hym...
all i know is that its gonna be a very uneventful meetup.
but, its gonna be an emotional one for me tho.

why do i feel as if i still need hym in my life?
why?
i know ive been with hym for two years.
TWO freaking years.
but, when deres constant fights between us...
its far from being a healthy relationship.
i jush wanted to end e relationship with a good note.
for us to be friends.
but, now look.
jush look whats happening.
i wanna hate you soo mucc for calling me names..
its soo untrue, false assumptions of yours.
ive also tried deleting you from my life..
i deleted any form of communication with you..
but yet, when i saw you on Friday...
i stayed hidden behind e wall and watched you from afar.

my heart yearns for you,
but my brain says no.

i jush truly hope that im strong enough to withstand all the obstacles in e coming future.
insya'Allah.

newfound

2010-03-03T12:53:00.002+08:00

hmm. soo now, im single agaiin.
back to square one agaiin.
a start of a new life for me.
new peepol, new surroundings.
im not that, that excited about it.
but, ive been handling the situation mucc stronger than i tot i would.
so, good for me.

i need to repent actuerli.
i really do.
my dosa is mounting up..i think its higher than mount everest at the rate that im making dosa.
gosh.
but, as iqbal puts it, i still have hope.
insyaAllah.
hmm, now, im starting to make sollah ...
i still do miss some prayers, but, i dunn goo a day without not solat-ing at all.
dats a huge achievement for me.
and, i pray without being asked to.

i jushh keep myself busy with my friends now.
anything i do now is because of Allah.
e good deeds of course!
not e bad ones.
haiyoo.

i realised, i do have only a few friends and i dunnwanna break peepol's heart.
ive tried being setia, being a playgurl, being single for more than a year.
and all of that didnt quite work out for me.
so, now, i'll jush keep things very slow and easy.
i wanna try dating.
as simple as that.
yeah(:

hmm, ilovemyself.
my new found self.
and i hope to stay dis way for a long while.

ttyl~

hari pernikahan FATIN NAJWA and MD. YASIR

2008-12-23T17:32:00.000+08:00

oooof. on that dayy , itt was superr duper tiring. serioz shytt. super not kidding. whee. okayy.. mcm shootSHOOT tols. okayy. now nk upload da picss. heehe. here i go~

*TogetherWeAsOne*

thinking.

newfound

hari pernikahan FATIN NAJWA and MD. YASIR

TogetherWeAsOne